Ode to Hypocrisy - Let it all out...

Has it been this long since I have posted??? This is going to be sort of a “come to Jesus” post for me…

Let me start this off like an AA meeting: “Hi, my name is Rebecca, and I am a food hypocrite.” The last couple months have been laced with cheeseburgers, fries and cakes.

And I was doing so well…

I made a commitment early in the spring to start working out again. I had some friends to work out with at the Y, and I actually found myself enjoying going to the gym on a regular basis for the first time in a long time. And I was starting to feel a bit… better. Well, the workouts lasted until this summer when I was sidelined by a surgery. No more working out for two months… Boo. Well, that became a trend…

But, I did something that I had never done. I gave up wheat, dairy, corn and sugar. I basically ate nothing that came out of a box or had a label. Let me tell you, that makes your trips to the grocery store a whole lot more limited, but certainly less time-consuming! I stuck to the plan and even made it through the food-laden Fourth of July holiday weekend. I lasted a whole six weeks. And I felt a bit better… I think.

Then I completely gave up.

Oh, I am sure it was for a number of reasons. I try my best to make everyone happy and not raise any eyebrows – most of the time, but I have learned that people take the way you eat very, VERY personally. Almost like how you raise your children. On several occasions I was made fun of or criticized. “Oh, that is SO impractical. I could never eat that way.” “Don’t you want some cake, just this time?” “Wow, you really are a health nut (emphasis on nut)!” “Well, you can’t make me give up my Diet Cokes and cheeseburgers!” You know, I try to have thick skin, but that has never been a strong suit of mine.

Yet, the number one reason that I gave up is that I have been in a silent, awful battle… for the last 20 years. And I am so tired of the fight.

You see, my digestive system has basically gone haywire. I have more intestines than anyone should ever have, especially someone my size. And for the last year, they have basically gone on strike. (I know that is TMI for some of you, but it is what it is.) So, I am being slowing poisoned by my own body. Yup, I am officially toxic.

I have been to so many doctors… I’ve been misdiagnosed with fibromyalgia. I’ve even been prescribed an asthma inhaler. Huh? I’ve been on countless medications and supplements. (You should see my supplement stash! You got an ailment; I’ve got a supplement.) Having a serious digestive disorder can affect your life in so many ways. It can even make you feel like you are losing your marbles! I feel so sorry for my husband and my girls… It has been so frustrating to not be able to be there with them fully, to not have the energy to be the wife and mother I am supposed to be. I only pray that I can make it up to them in the years to come. And Jesus, I am so sorry, too…

I may be down, but I am not out. I just saw a new doctor who practices integrated medicine (both traditional and natural modalities), and I am hopeful. I gave vials and vials of blood to be tested for all sorts of digestive disorders, food allergies, thyroid panels - you name it. Hopefully there will be answers. In the meantime, I am going to begin a very restrictive, all-raw green smoothie diet. I’ve read that they taste really good… but I am not sure about that! I’m nervous but hopeful. Maybe this will be it. I scoped out the “greens” section at HEB tonight – not bad. Hey, at least I should have good hair and skin after all of this!

I really don’t know why God has allowed this into my life. I do believe He has drawn me to this new doctor, who is a Christian, for a reason. I know he will work this all out for His glory. I just pray for His perspective. And a little peace would be nice, too. :)

So… this is my journey. I am going to be chronicling this “experiment” for the next 30 days to hold myself accountable to follow the plan, and maybe, just maybe help someone else in the shadows along the way. Feel free to read my wordy posts and comment away. And, if you think about me, please say a little prayer for me. Heaven knows I need it!